Rabu, 05 Agustus 2009

An Almost – late resolution

Everyone tell me that I’m just being ridiculous, that it’s just another phase, another level… that I shouldn’t be so sad or grumpy about it… and they all said things that you want to hear, but hell, I’m trough with all that!!
I learn the hard way to realize that my f@#$ up life happened because I still don’t believe in my self, in the power within, in the strength that I have… generally, in ME!
I don’t believe to what I can do, to what I can become, and that’s the truth.
You know, you maybe old enough to be a ground up on your 27th, 28th, or 29th, but you’re never too old to be come a fool!
That’s what happened to me… I’m being a fool out of my self.
All these times, I know all the theory, the ‘Secret’, the revelation…
But it seems I keep repeating all those same mistakes over and over and over again.
I make my self-numb, sad, sorrow, pathetic, and keep making excuses for myself, without trying to figure out what’s went wrong! I’m not happy.
I could argue about anything anywhere, also debating about stuffs, but I’m having a real hard time taking criticism, sepecially one that goes to me.
Now, I have to admit that I’m not that strong when it comes to self-healing, letting go and all.
Things have to be done here!
I have to start liking my self, be more like me, and adopt all those theories about self-reconciliation or what ever that is…
(Besides, all those theories come from a long journey of ones soul searching of peace and harmony in life, so that must be true, right!)
One thing for sure is, I have to change the old me, the self-destructive me, and working on that effort to be a better person… learn to be more wise, to act with more responsibility, taking my part and not complains too much.
Enough with all those tears cries and hurts which always clouding my sky before.
The new sun will rise, the new chapter will begin, the journey starts now and I’m the leading lady for this one.
Although it seems a little bit late, but I’m not going to wait until I’m 29th next month to realize something’s wrong in my life… I’m going to take a big step here; I believe happiness is ones choose in this life, that’s why I choose to be happy.
Wish me guys… (Taking a deep breath) I promise to myself, this single woman will triumph. Bismillah.

Happy 29 years of live Ind!!

Life’s Beautiful (Roberto Benigni)
(Ditulis menjelang tahun ke-29 hidupku)

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